Confessions From a Girl Who Got Everything She Ever Wanted

A few years ago, I was convinced that if I had these things, I’d be happy in life:

1. A good guy
2. A house
3. A job I liked
4. A dog (and eventually kids).

I thought that if I had the things listed, I’d be set.

I have those things now.

Do they bring happiness to my life? Absolutely.

Do I love these blessings? With my whole heart.

But do they make me WHOLE? Meet every need in every corner of my soul like I was so convinced they would?

Not in the slightest.

There have been more times than I can count that I’ve been completely frustrated because those things simply cannot make me whole like I thought they could.

See, I’ve learned that even when we have some of the most desired things in life, they don’t complete us. So often we think that those things–the good job, the nice guy, or the cute house–are the answer to our deepest loneliness, insecurities, and fears.

But I was wrong. And if your greatest desires are some of those things, you’re wrong, too.

Again, they are good things, wonderful things. But they are not my God. They don’t make Jordan Lee who she is. They aren’t the source of my joy like I always thought they could be. In fact, they can be both the source of my laughter and of my lamenting. They can bring me moments of great joy and moments of deep frustration.

And I’ve found, in the strangest yet most wonderful of ways, that the moments I feel most whole are moments like these:

  1. When I talked to the man with a cart, standing in the pouring rain, and get him a hotel room for the night so he has a warm place to sleep.
  2. When I stay up past midnight listening to a friend share their heart.
  3. When I scrub junk off of frying pans because I hate doing dishes but there’s something sanctifying about sacrifice.

Funny how that works.

It’s like when I do the things Jesus said to do, like love the least of these, it actually fills me to the brim with abundant life and lasting joy.

When I encounter Him, I am whole.

Do I document those things on Instagram? Nope.

But do they change me? Yes.

So, to you:

If you feel less than whole, if you look at the abundance of what everyone else seems to have and suddenly see all the areas where you “lack,” I have a dare for you.

Don’t look for wholeness in your heart’s desires.

Look for wholeness by delighting in the Lord.

And watch, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). Except, you’ll find that those desires–those true, fulfilling desires–won’t be exactly what you think your deepest desires are now. It’ll look a whole lot different than you expect. But you’ll discover the wholeness He gives in the simple things–the conversation on the street corner, the crusty frying pan, and the long nights.

Because when we delight in Him, our desires begin to look more like His desires.

Give thanks to God for where you are now and for who He is. And then, give your life away, regardless of what you have right now.

When you do, you’ll find a holy kind of wholeness.

You’ll find wholeness when you step outside yourself and into the hard stuff because the hard stuff is the heart stuff and the heart stuff is the holy stuff.

“Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

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